Thursday, October 15, 2015

A Shawl Made of Snow

I am tunneling into the cavernous abyss
Largely built and hyped inside my head,
Falling and groping around the further I travel
Down, my fingers grazing remnants of joy
Mixing among fear and the stagnant air of the past.
It is difficult to breathe.

I search for faces, strain my ears for voices
Belonging to someone I love, for the sight
Of a body I've been craving

Down the rabbit hole I go
Thirsty, hungry, needing answers
and a quick turn towards the shadows
Which have never helped me before,
But still I return and regret.

I keep moving through.
I think I may have reached the inner works
Of the brain stem
When at last I see a glimmer of light,
A tiny flame that is burning.

I see that same flame in his eyes,
The one who sparked the journey
and sent me along wearing a shawl
Made of snow,
But I only felt the warmth and sureness
Of his hands, and ignored the cold.

Saturday, October 10, 2015

The Vision (Everything Else Disappears)

He is tall, broad shouldered.  Handsome.
A square, strong jaw-  seemingly cut from stone
That curves into satisfied smiles and open snarls.
Eyes that stare into me, a harsh probe that I welcome
But believing I see too much,
I look away.

Coming up from behind him, I had an apron in my hands.
Slinging it on him backwards, I whispered,
"Now it's a cape."
He turned, smiling.  "I guess I am Superman now."
He is right!  But there is work to do.
I'm nobody's Lois Lane.

He is so young.  I feel embarrassment in myself, the aging crone
Looking up at him in near worship, feeling every year between us.
Everything else disappears.
Why would he ever look my way?

Trying something new, I took a deep toke
Just before falling asleep.
This was no dream, but a vision
That knocked me out cold like a ball of ice.

I woke up, wrapped up in blankets that had been his arms,
His chest fading into my pillow.  Depression.
The fall sunlight shines through the crack in the curtain.
I remember everything in my head.
My eyes will recall it all the next time I see him,
But I must be silent, because he didn't see.

I don't want the awkward pauses.
I don't want this to fade and die like other dreams in my past.
I want a moment of clarity, a laughing moment
Melding into silence, where at last he sees
and in the corner away from everyone,
Everything else disappears.